Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Customers From Hell Volume X
"Pathetic Pastry Phisher"

I honestly believed I had heard and seen it all. That is, until last week. Thankfully (or not) I was given a rare yet fabulous opportunity to create another Customers From Hell post- just for you!

I do a substantial amount of my wedding cake business over the internet. There have been several occasions when I have never met, or even spoken with, the bride or the groom. Everything can be finalized right through this very monitor your eyes are glaring at! Have a strange request you're jinbarrassed to speak about? Email away! Bring it on! Paypal is our friend. (BONUS- I won't tell anyone you ordered 10 dozen anatomically correct gingerbread. ;-)

Upon checking my voicemail the other evening I came across a strange nearly inaudible message. After replaying it roughly 5 times, I managed to make out 3 distinct things:
1) that it was some type of operator assisted call
2) there was interest in a wedding cake
3) an email addy to reply to

Frankly, it sounded dodgy to me. I contemplated not responding, but that's just not how I do business. The next day I sent an email and attached a copy of our wedding cake brochure. I received a reply the next day. It mentioned the 'relay call' and a semi-detailed description of the wedding cake Mike Williams wanted to order. He signed the email "God Bless".

RED FLAG!!! RED FLAG!!!

Apologies to those genuine religious peeps reading, but I would have bet my life on the fact that anyone who signs an email with "God Bless" is only out to screw you out of something... er, in this case, screw ME out of something.

After sitting down & having a heart to heart with my buddy Google, I find that the 'relay call' is a free service for the hearing and speech impaired. Oh the toil my brain fell under... should I blow off the possible potential customer or should I respond one last time? What to do what to do what to do...

In the end, the only reason I responded one last time, was because if it really was a hearing or speech impaired customer I did NOT want to discriminate. Because that's just plain wrong and jin's can't do things like that.

I sent a short email with a base price quote. What I received back seriously pissed me off! One glance at the rest of the details confirmed that it was a goddamned phisher!!!! Trying to scam a wedding cake?! WTF?!!? Do criminals have ZERO boundaries? [Don't answer that I was being facetious.]

Had I replied back,
this is what I would have said:

Dear Mr. Mike Williams
aka nightoceanview@yahoo.com
If you honestly think I would make you a wedding cake to serve 300 people AND pay out of my pocket $700 shipping charges to your carrier by credit card YOU are the f@cking moron. I sincerely hope no one else on this planet falls for your scam, but should they be naive enough to do so, I pray you shall have all of your extremities chewed off bit by tiny bit by rabid creatures of the night until you are merely a torso left out in the freezing cold in a pile of your own feces.
God Bless,
jin

More info on the loser here. I'm also making all my labels to this post about the scam should any other unfortunate cake maker fall prey.


*****EDIT: 4/15 6.30PM
I received another email today! He claims he's still interested in the wedding cake but is having trouble with his 'nightoceanview' email account working properly. *HUGE jingrin* If per chance one of you messed with it after reading this... you are AWESOME!!! :-D
The new contact addy he gave is:
meruwa@live.com

17 Responses to “Customers From Hell Volume X
"Pathetic Pastry Phisher"”

G3T Films said...

You know, that happened to me once. Except instead of being a torso left out in the freezing cold in a pile of my own feces. It was a pile of beautiful tasting cake I'd phished from a Shoppe.

jin said...

Such a smart ass you are!!!
You think you can crack jokes merely because you have a sexy accent and make awesome movies and brilliant puppets and creative images and you write really well and and and...

hrmph.

I guess that does entitle you to be a smart ass.

Carry on.

Jewels said...

I almost was tricked by a phisher once. Almost... Then I remembered my first year in programming where we had covered this (guess that first year's tuitions really DIDN'T go to waste!).
Not gonna fall for it.

Hey, were you "A Pastry Chef"? LOL! ;)

jin said...

Heehee!
I was indeed
A Pastry Chef!
;-)

G3T Films said...

Now, now, it takes one to know one!

jin said...

Flattery,
dear sir,
will get you
absolutely...


everywhere!

Now where do I sign again?
;-P

sincerely,
jin
the total non-flirt

jin said...

*stifled giggle*

David said...

Yes, yes...devious and only moderately clever. Thieves no longer have the dignity and self-respect of someone like Cary Grant in "To Catch a Thief" or George Clooney in "Oceans 11" (and 13). I had someone email my blog not too long ago implying that they had met me at one of our live music nights and what a wonderful time, blah, blah, barf..."Oh, and here's that wonderful thing I told you about!" I, of course, thought I might have had a wee too much libation that night because I could not remember the conversation I supposedly had with this gal. But all I had to do was click the attached link and my alleged fascination with whatever it was she had told me about would all come back to me.

Of course, this person had not been in my shop at all, ever. And the link was for some dumbass scam of one kind or another (soon as I clicked it and saw what it was I realized my error and immediately closed it, praying that I had not unleashed a penis-shrinking virus upon myself).

I don't know what I was more irritated with, the loser who sent the scam or myself for being too stupid to immediately see it for what it was.

Well, belated happy blog birthday to you lovely lady...and the carrot cake muffins are simply delish!
God bless!

jin said...

Heeheheheee.... I didn't know you could make an internet virus do that!!! Kewl! Er, I mean, that's terrible.

I had to reread your comment a few times before it all sunk in, as you kinda lost me after the mention of George Clooney.

*jins eyes glaze over*

OH! Wait... where was I?

Middle Child said...

Bloody hell...what won't they come up with next? Maybe its not just individuals but organised criminals who are doing this because its so consitant accross the world...

angel said...

good on you for not faling for it jin!
i cannot believe the lengths people go to to scam someone...

Andy! said...

I don't really understand the scam. They get a cake? While I understand that the wedding party and baker feel it valuable, but why a scammer? Can you pawn a wedding cake? Especially a personalized one.

It seems like they are trying to steal something that only a very small percentage of people would want.

Even if you could pawn it, how could you have a wedding with stale wedding cake? I can't imagine it keeps well in a pawn shop.

Is this scam only in existence to screw a baker? Maybe I am reading it wrong, but it doesn't seem like you should ever have to give them any financial information.

Kingcover said...

Go get 'em tiger! Pull his testicles over the top of his head and throw little needles at him. Direct hit! :-P

jin said...

MC:

The world's just going to hell, isn't it?!

At least we have our delightful pooches! Those pics you posted of Thorn are adorable!!! :-D

jin said...

angel:

I assume that happens there, too?
Here it's ALL the time! Ridiculous!

jin said...

andy:

Evidently, from the research I've done, they get your credit card details when the wedding cake is picked up by the delivery (shipping) truck. It seems the shipper is also part of the scam.

Unless some bakers pay for the freight before the cake is even made? Maybe then there would be no actual cake scammed, just the $700 or the credit card or bank EFT details.

I did see mention that this scammer also tried to get a wedding photographer! I have no idea how the hell that would go off?!!?

jin said...

king:

Your soooo creative and inventive at times!
heehee!!!