Customers From Hell Volume IX"The Non-Customer"

Recently I mentioned I was included in a story written for an area newspaper. A couple weeks after that, our local newspaper reprinted another version of the same story. (Click here to view the online version. Note: in the newspaper there was an additional photo; a large cookie close-up.)

The photo of me was actually taken in mid-November, hence the reason I'm still wearing my wedding rings. I cannot tell you how thrilled I was that they were blatantly there for all to see even though I am currently available. Why you ask? Well, this brings us to my first tale...

"The Non-Customer that Wouldn't Go Away"

Many years ago there was an unhitched jin that had her photo in the newspaper along with a story about her cakes. Most unfortunately the photo included a close-up of her left hand sans rings. As any local female who has been in this same position will tell you, "Manitowoc does have it's share of weirdos and if they find your name & number after seeing you in the news they will call you."

I was warned by another area business woman but thought nothing of it... until...
One sunny afternoon I was busy filling orders when the phone rang.
me- "Uniquely Yours Pastry Shoppe Jennifer speaking."
he- "Uh, hi. I'd like to place an order."
me- "Ok, when would you like this for?"
he- "Uh, I'm not sure."
me- "Ok... well, do you know what you'd like or shall I go over our brochure with you?"
he- "I know what I want."
me- "Ok, what would you like?"
he- "I wanna take you to dinner."
me- "Excuse me?"
he- "Will you go to dinner with me?"
me- "Uhhh..." *Thinking omfg! You've got to be kidding me?!!?*
he- "I saw your picture in the paper & you look like the type of girl I'd like to go out with."
me- "Well, I'm sorry but you have to realize how this sounds. I am not going to go out with someone I've never met."
he- "Can I come over now and meet you then?"
me- "NO! Uh... I mean I'm closing now, sorry. I have to go. Bye."

*Click*
I hang up the phone and decide to never answer it again ('twas the unfortunate days before Caller ID).

The next day I'm going about my business when I see a flower truck pull up. In walks the delivery guy (who I am acquainted with) carrying a large arrangement. I tell him I'd like to see the card before he leaves. It says, "Will you have dinner with me?" There is a name & a phone number. I tried to insist that the delivery guy take the arrangement back with him. I did not want to accept it for I had a bad feeling about the whole situation. He said it was his job to deliver them & that's what he had to do. DAMN!

I go over all my options & decide to simply do nothing. Silly jin, I forgot that doesn't work with demented individuals. DOUBLE DAMN!

He called again & I got caught answering (this is a business after all & I couldn't ignore my sane customers). I thanked him for the flowers & apologized but I was still not going to dinner with a complete stranger. I hung up the phone.

[Let me interject here... I have no idea why I didn't just lie & say I had a boyfriend. Like... a world champion body builder maybe... that just got out of prison... for... umm... killing a stalker! Yeah! That would have been great! Why didn't I think of it then?!!? ACK! Slow jin! Er, not to be confused with sloe gin.]

The next day he came to my shoppe and introduced himself. He also informed me ummm... ok I'm censoring this part actually... too much detail and it involves weird stalkerish behaviour on his part. Anyway... I still ended up saying I would not go to dinner with him and it was awkward and he just stood there like he wasn't going to leave. He eventually said, "Tell me what I have to do to impress you!" I accidentally blurted out in a jincredibly annoyed tone, "Usually if a guy wants to impress me he comes into my shoppe and actually spends a few $ & BUYS something I make!!!" His reply, "Will you go to lunch with me then?"

You all know I hate being a bitch, I really do... but if push comes to shove... well, let's just say I knew I had to be. To get rid of him I finally did agree to a meal. I also fully intended to stand him up. Which I did the next day... and he still came back!!! How did it ever end you're wondering? Well peeps... by now he knew I didn't have a boyfriend so that lie wouldn't work. I did what any jin would have done. I went for a meal with him. After the food came I took the check, said I was paying for the food so we were even for the flowers he sent, I stood up, left my food and him sitting there whilst uttering the final words he'd ever hear from me, "Oh, btw... I'm a lesbian."

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This brings us to my second tale...

"The Anonymous Non-Customer"

Another thing that most people don't realize is how many jealous nasty individuals are out there. The angry bitter populace of a small town. Every single time my photo is in the local paper I receive (at least one) anonymous hate mail. Haahaa! I'll bet that surprises you! I generally don't tell anyone, for there really is nothing I can do except laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. That is, until I discovered blogging; the power to blast, and quite possibly embarrass, the small minded bored losers who only pull cowardly foolish stunts such as this because they want others to feel as unloved, unwanted & dimwitted as they do. But what I really want to say to the woman who wrote this:

You're just jealous because I'm younger, gorgeous & jintrinsicly more talented than you could ever be you old biach!