Thursday, August 02, 2007

Woeful Wedding Warning


You each write out your perfect vows.
I'll make the show stopping cake.
Remember not to pose for your photos
with smiles that are fake.

Your wedding should be
full of happiness & fun!
But distant nasty relatives
can keep you on the run.

Trust me, keep it smaller
with peeps you hold dear
don't invite Uncle Hillbilly
he'll drink all your beer!

Rich Auntie Jezebel
had better not come.
She'll bring the new boy-toy
Mr. Studly But Dumb.

Maybe Second Cousin Junkie
won't be able to get a ride
for she's likely to go into convulsions
on the buffet cos her brain is fried.

Little Nephew Pickpocket
need I say any more?
He'll steal all your gifts
then weasel out the door.

Don't forget about your neighbors!
Mr. & Mrs. Swinger sure look neat.
They'll stay 'til the end o the night
hoping you'll share your honeymoon suite!

26 Responses to “Woeful Wedding Warning”

Anonymous said...

Are your neighbours getting married??? :-P


L

Jewels said...

Um, you neighbors want to share your suite?
*SHUDDERS*...

Lucky me, I'm leaving for a trip home tomorrow morning, and already I'm being forced to join a family gathering that I don't even want to go to. Aren't family guilt trips fantastic? Just not the kind of 'trip' I wanted to take.....

Dino aka Katy said...

lovely poem and much truth to it.

jin said...

L:

Ha!
Depends...
are you my neighbor?
:-P

jin said...

jewels:

Oh, no! Not that family!? Same party like last year?
If anyone hassles you girlie promise me you'll do this:
Go up to the person that gave you shit, be all smiley and gushy...go up to them, exlaim loudly so everyone else can hear "It's soooo good to see you!" Proceed to give them a hug and whisper in their ear, "Back the fuck off you stupid twat!".
Make sure you have a huge smile on your face the whole time. Everyone will think you are being nice and even if the person tells people what you whispered in her ear they won't believe her....
Haaaahahahahaaaa.....
;-)

signed,
jins evil twin
Sin

jin said...

katy:

Thanks!

I know...I've heard stories like that! LOL!

Seems as though every wedding I have been to at least one dude gets ginned up and decides it would be a great idea to drop his pants. I don't get it.

jin said...

Is
"one dude"
code
for
"phos"
?

:-P

MixJagger said...

Yeah babee! I think I can turn that into a hit. You get half the songwriting royalties. Deal?

jin said...

Deal!
But only for you cos I know you got rhythm!
;-)

Not Ashley said...

jin....my neighbour is thong boy...I doubt if he & his friends would want to share the suite. LOL!

jin said...

Heehee M! Probably not...but it'd make for an interesting post if you tried! LOL

angel said...

very very well put jin- excellent advice!!!
that cake is exquisite...

You've been tagged Jin! Visit my blog for details...

Middle Child said...

Hm! Excellently funny JIn. Our eldest daughter was to be married 19 May but had to be postphoned as you'd know but will be marrying in November so I might send her this... just for her amusement!!!

I have a first cousin who is soooo sour sucking lemons would improve her face...but she has to be invited...just can't get out of it unless they elope

jin said...

Angel:

Thanks!!

Yeah...every family has one or two of those, hmmm???
(Even mine! :-S I just choose not to speak to them! ;-)

jin said...

ec:

OUCH!

Geez...ya didn't have to tag me so hard tho! A tap would have been sufficient! :-P

I'll get to it asap! :-)

jin said...

mc:

"I have a first cousin who is soooo sour sucking lemons would improve her face"

OMG! Heeeheeeheeeeee!!!!
Toooooooo funny! LOL!!!

I got a few like that too...haha...I was sooooo choosy about who I invited to mine, but I had a great excuse: my reception cafe could only hold 30 people.

Maybe you'll be lucky and she won't show up?!
:-)

Teehee! Sowwy - I get carried away easily! If I make some of my apple cobbler, or Mexican Buenelos, will that make it all better? How about some hot chocolate?

BTW: I think you need to add a few more links to your "Places Jin Shops" list? I didn't see Penzey's there, just by way of example.

Kingcover said...

I don't know how you manage it but all of your cakes and other food items still look as good now as they do when you first created them months ago. You must use a special miraculous type of preservative on them :-P

jin said...

ec:

I know I need to add links.

I also need to send you the recipe I promised!

I am ALSO still trying to get my blog to view properly in Internet Explorer!

AAAHHHHHHhhhhhhh.......

I need more time....and some of those buenelos & hot chocolate you offered!
;-)

jin said...

king:

Haaahahahaa.....

Nope! No preservatives ever!

I just have a knack!

Anything I touch stays in tact.

;-)

Nope, never dropped my pants - usually too busy puking off the balcony.

jin said...

Oh dear...I hope you get the mask off fast enough!
:-O

Zed said...

For a moment there, I saw a great deal of similarities in Second Cousin Junkie and my first cousin April. Perhaps we know each other, Jin. :)

jin said...

LOL zed!!!

It's a very small world! Could be!

Ohhh...I've been checking out your archives....you're gooood!
:-)