Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Customers from Hell Volume IV
"I nearly DYed!"


I think, at least once per year, we get one of those customers that 'knows it all'. Really, it doesn't matter what I recommend, they try to insist upon something entirely ludicrous!

Example:

A lady wants to order a 2 tier cake for a Halloween party. I think YAY (!) fun decorations...no no no...silly me. She has her very own idea. She has it ALL planned in her peroxide blond head.

She- "I want the WHOLE cake frosted BLACK!"

**My mouth springs open before I can pretend I'm not shocked**

Me- "I can do that... but..."
She- "Good. I want the decorations in orange."
Me- "Well, why don't we frost the whole cake in orange & do the decorations in black?"
She- "No. I want it FROSTED in black."
Me- "That would require an AWFUL LOT of black food colouring."
She- "Ok."
Me- "Well, when you use that much black food colouring, the people that eat the cake will end up with black tongues & lips."
She- "I don't think it will be that bad. It'll be funny."
Me- "Actually, I don't think they will find it that funny. Plus, if you want it that black it sort of changes the taste of the French buttercream. I could frost the whole cake in a very dark chocolate buttercream?"
She- "No. I don't want chocolate. I want it black."

(Notice, I'm doing my best to accommodate her without giving her a GROSS tasting cake & pissed off friends?!!?)

Me- "Well, I really won't frost a 1/2 sheet cake in black, what if I frost the bottom tier orange, then put a very thin layer of lightly tinted black frosting over the smaller top tier & decorate each in the opposite colour? I really am serious when I tell you how much the black food colouring dyes peoples faces & fingers."
She- "Well, you can do it that way but I still want the top tier really dark black & ALL the decorations in really dark black! I don't care if it dyes them! It'll be funny!"

You know, we're not talking a group of kids here either...this was a party for 75 middle-aged adults, no children invited. I did frost the cake as she asked, she was a very regular customer, but I was not happy as I knew anyone who did take a piece would not be pleased themselves after a glance in a mirror. I also knew many people would not even take a piece just because of the colour, which would probably leave her with a few too many left-overs! But, I tried my best & decorated it nicely. She never came back in my shoppe again.

Is the customer always right?
HELL, NO!!!

Am I sorry I lost a regular?
Sometimes.....but really, what more could I have said or done? She insisted!

Have I envisioned in my minds eye 75 people running around with black teeth, tongues & fingers?
HELL, YEAH!!!
(I suppose she was right to a degree, it looks pretty damn funny! Hahaha!!!)


"End-of-Post Teaser Cake Shot"
Now, wouldn't you rather have had it frosted
with this luscious dark chocolate French buttercream???

16 Responses to “Customers from Hell Volume IV
"I nearly DYed!"”

Jewels said...

Yeah! First Comment! LOL!

I must admit, Mistress Jin, that once made a similar Booboo with one of my friend's son's birthday cake. Dad wanted a sheet cake, decorated dark blue, with Batman designs all over. I'm not a baker, so I used a mix out of a box (oh dear, I can see the spatula rising now...)
I used buttercream icing, and lots and lots of blue food coloring.
Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Wouldn't you know it? We all spent the rest of the day with blue lips and teeth. The cake looked awesome tho! LMAO!!!!!!!!

Katy said...

I don't think you could have done more. I mean some of these people are just rediculous.

MHhhh I love buttercream - I am still hoping to be able to get some on the 13th.

Gnat said...

I think I would have asked that she sign a letter stating that you warned her of the problem with such a request.

We will call it:

ARF (asshole reference form) and that you would like it shown to anyone before they eat the cake.

This is the same group of people that ask for no ice in a drink at Wendys then bitch about the drink not being cold. That happend to me Monday, the lady had to shove her way back in the out lane to complain.

Gnat.
.

Lesley said...

Black icing? Scary!

But wow, that chocolate buttercream is some tempting food porn. I think I could show that chocolate cake a good time! ;)

wokka chicka, wokka chicka
bam chicka, bam bam...

(i love imitating porno music -- even if it's only funny for me!)

Cherry! said...

Was the lady 75 years old also? Maybe she was sufering from senile dementure or maybe someone ran off with her lover at the retirement village and this was her way of getting back at them.

Loving the porn music Lesley.

Is there such a thing as black licorice flavored frosting? I would like that.

Are those turds or pinecones on the top cake?

I avoid all the hassle and just stick those industrial strength sugar decos that come in a package, and thank goodness for "frosting in a tube" for writing the inspirational messages, such as "Get Bent" or "Sorry Your Grandpa is Dead"

jin said...

jewels: **picture jin mommie dearest mad & SCREAMING LOUDLY**
NO
BOX
MIX
CAKES
EVER!!!!
*GASP!* jewels, please...never again...PROMISE ME!
LOLOL *giggles*
Do you have pics?

katy: Yes, I'm sure you get people like that all the time waiting tables!

Hope you can make it, too!!! :-)

gnat: Damn, you're good!

"The ARF Form"
I gotta work on that!
LMAO!!!

lesley: Everyone knows you are the patron saint of porn music! We all laugh, too!!!
*PSSST*
Everybody should go over to lesley's blog today...she's got pics of knitted penis warmers...she's a total PERV!!!
*GIGGLES*

cherry: LMAO!!! Oh, worse than that! She was probably only about 45...still shouldn't have had the peroxide blond, though!

CP: One word cp...
"Sambuca"
MMmm...I used to love that stuff...It would give you black licorice flavoured frosting. Ok...here's another little tasty treat...serve your homemade waffles with freshly whipped cream, when you whip the cream, add a few tablespoons of turbinado sugar and a few tablespoons of sambuca! Oh, wait! Use the clear one, NOT the black one!

(Hope you don't mind...I borrowed your mommie dearest mad phrase...I LOVE THAT!)

phos: YAY!!! You ARE back!!! That's the phos I know & love!!!
Hahahaha!!! :-D

Sambuca! Even someone as dense as me should have thought of that - I love that stuff.

Good idea about the whipped cream.

No problem with "Mommie Dearest" although if you get me started with snippets from that movie I could go on for days, so proceed with caution....

jin said...

CP: I unhealthily LOVE that film...I can (And have!) watch it over & over & over....

jin said...

CP: My 2 fave scenes:
1. Wire hangers, of course!
2. When the reporter is in the house & Joan loses it & starts to choke Cristina.

"Why can't you give me the RESPECT I deserve?!!!!!! Why can't you give me the respect you'd give to any STRANGER on the STREET?!!!!!!!!"

"BECAUSE I AM NOT ONE OF YOUR FANS!!!!!!!"

"AAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"

"Mommie!!!!.....Ahhhhhhhgarrgslkjglkjglksdjl!"

Ok, I feel better....

jin said...

HAHAHA!!!!
OOOooo you're good! You even said it in their voices!

When we first got cable in this town, my Grams had it before my parents did. She got HBO for the movies & at that time they didn't have much of a variety. They played mommie dearest like 3 times a day...that's how I got to watch it so much! (They also overplayed the one about little gloria vanderbilt...the name of that one escapes me?)
My Grams also watched the dirty movies on the scrambled Cinemax channel! LOL...when someone caught her watching them she'd say it was "FILTH! How did that get on my tv?"

Oh, so she'd sit and watch it until someone noticed and THEN she'd proclaim that it was filth? Beautiful!

Sarah Letnes said...

Some people just can't be helped.

Like me. :)