Customers From Hell Volume I "WTF were they thinking?"

Customer #1
A cake something* like this one:

Wife calls to place order. Recommended size for amount of servings she needs is a 10" or 12" round. She insists on an 8" round. She is being quite obviously cheap. She says her husband will pick up said cake on Saturday after 2:oopm. Husband comes in at 9:00am on Saturday for the cake. He is (very loudly) upset that his cake is not done. I have a shoppe full of people. He steps up to the counter, in front of numerous customers, & says, "Gimme one of those" while pointing at a peanut square. He is told that will be one dollar, "You mean you want a WHOLE dollar for that thing? I can get it somewhere else for a quarter!" Thankfully, a couple of my regulars pipe up & tell him it's really worth it, our bakery is very good. He takes the peanut square & storms out while mumbling something about having to come back again.

Husband is back at 1:00pm for cake. It is finished, he pays, he leaves, we think YAY! No more from them. HA!

Monday afternoon a phone call from the wife, informing me that she served everyone a piece of the cake, they all said it was awful & she still had 1/4 of the cake left. Remember when I said before that the cake could NOT physically serve that many people? Yet she had some left? I think not. But me, trying for that good old customer service says, "Bring back the leftover cake & we'll take care of it."
She says, "I can't."
"What? Why not?" I am dumbfounded.
Her reply, "Because my husband said he wants to eat the rest of it."

Uh-huh. Bad cake my arse!!!

I end the conversation by promising we'll even up with her next time she places an order, knowing full well that she'd never call again!

Customer #2
A cake something* like this one:

Wife calls & orders a half sheet cake for husbands surprise 50th birthday party to pick up on Saturday. On Monday morning wife calls & complains that the cake was very dry & basically terrible. None of the guests ate it. She insists she doesn't want her money back or credit for a future purchase. She is just letting us know so that we are aware.

On Monday afternoon a new customer calls. They tasted our cake at the aforementioned 50th birthday party this past Saturday. The cake was so wonderful she orders one for later in the month.

On Tuesday another new customer calls. They tasted our cake at the aforementioned 50th birthday party. They also order a cake.

Would you believe, one more time, a third new customer orders a cake who was at that very party.

A year or two passes & all is forgotten. I have a shoppe full of customers & my Mom calls me over & whispers, "Make sure you say hello to that woman." Well, I have no idea who said woman is but I know my Mom said it for a reason, so I went out of my way to flash her a smile & wish her a wonderful weekend. The woman says, "I haven't had one of your cakes in so long! I need to order one! If I bring in a picture of a cake shaped like a hat can you do it?"
"Certainly," I reply.

After she leaves I ask Mom who this lady was...yes, you guessed it. The wife mentioned above!

Customer #3
A cake something* like this one:

Daughter comes in to order a surprise birthday cake for Mom. Cost is no object, she knows just what she wants. She proceeds to order a VERY LARGE round cake with really cool decorations! We actually tell her she wouldn't need to go that large for her estimated guests, she would have plenty with a smaller size. "No, no..this will be good. We like left overs." Daughter says her Dad will pick up the cake after 1:00pm on Saturday.

At 9:30am on Saturday Dad comes to pick up the cake. It is not quite finished. I inform him I can have it done in less than a half hour. He is not pleased he has to come back. I apologize, but I tell him that I finish the cakes in the order of their pick up times. Since his wasn't supposed to be until 1:00pm, I finished the morning cakes first. He admits his daughter did not tell him 1:00pm. He asks to pay the bill now, so he can just run in & get the cake later. I give him his bill. Evidently, his daughter did not tell him the cost of the cake she picked out either. His eyes grew much larger than their sockets as his jaw flopped to the ground. (Ok, maybe that's an exaggeration, but you get the idea!) He pays by credit card & leaves.

1:00pm rolls around & he comes in. (Take note: I am pretty pleased with the way the cake looks, it's really cool!) He picks up the very large box & says the cakes looks great. I walk ahead to hold the door for him & as he passes me he says in a not-too-friendly tone, "It BETTER be WORTH it!"

I silently wish his nice daughter would have picked it up. Ah well. I know once they cut into it all will be right with the universe as I knew this cake would taste awesome!

Monday rolls around & the Dad calls to complain that the cake was over baked, none of the guests ate it & he thinks he should get a partial refund. Now, do you remember, I mentioned this was a really big cake? Way too many servings for what they needed! But the daughter did not have a problem with that. When asked how much he had left, he replied, "None. My wife took the left-overs to work for her birthday treat."

Yeah, right. Another one bites the dust!

*The cakes pictured above were not the actual cakes in question.
However, the story below IS the photo of the cake being described.

Customer #4
This was her cake:

An older lady comes in & wants a 'unique' cake made. She wants it to look like a big tequila worm, 3D style. This was many (many!) years ago, I thought it would be fun to do & would add some great photos to my portfolio which was sparse at the time. I told her I would only charge her $60.00 which was an absolute steal! She thought that was way too much (!) & would have to think about it (read: see if she could get it cheaper somewhere else).

A few days pass, back in she comes, with her leathery skin, hacking like a smoker of at least 50 years. With her deep rattling voice she says, "Ok, I'll order it, but he'd better DAMN WELL appreciate it!" I also deem it appropriate to mention that I do deliver, for an extra charge, if she doesn't want the hassle of picking it up. Surprise, she's not interested if it costs more.

She came in to pick it up on a Saturday at 1:00pm. She seemed to be pleased with how it looked, surprised it was that tall & said, "It sure as hell didn't have to be that big!"


I figure she is one of those people that simply bitches about everything so I smile & ask if I can carry it to her car for her. "Yeah, I'll let ya 'cuz if ya drop it I git my money back!"

We get to her car & she tells me to put it on the back seat. I tell her I don't recommend that, as her back seat is slightly slanted & the cake should really be placed on a totally flat surface, much like her trunk, or on the floor in the front seat. "Nah, It'll be fine! Put it there!", she seems incredibly annoyed with me. So, I put it on the back seat & try to tie the seatbelt around the box so there is a bit of stability. I turn to face her & say, very slowly, "You NEED to drive carefully. Easy on the corners!" I felt I did all that I could do.

I turn to walk back into the shoppe & hear her squeal (Yes, SQUEAL!) her tires as she zooms around the corner. I knew there was no way that cake was still standing. But what more could I have done? It was 100 degrees outside, a beautiful Saturday afternoon & only 1:00pm. That was my last pick-up for the day. I closed up the shoppe & didn't return until Monday morning.

There was one message on the answering machine. It was recorded at 2:30pm, Saturday. It was that woman yelling that she just arrived at her destination & the cake was completely ruined, so badly, you can't even see what it is. Frosting is everywhere.

Hmm...let's check the facts, shall we?
She left our shoppe at 1:00 on the dot.
Her destination was less that 10 minutes from our shoppe.
It was 100 degrees outside. (French Buttercream, anyone? You are aware that butter does, in fact melt, right? Of course you are!)
Her call was at 2:30...exactly 1-1/2 hours after she left our shoppe.
I think all my dear intelligent readers can visualize exactly how this turns out.

My partner loses the drawing of straws on this one & rings the psycho. (Confession coming up here...I make sure she almost ALWAYS gets that straw! *Giggles* I don't mind dealing with those bastards in person, it's when they're on the phone that I can't stand it!) I'll spare you the majority of uninteresting drivel spewed forth from, clearly, one of Satan's spawn. The part that hurt us deeply came just before she hung up when she informed us she would, "Never set foot in your store again!"

YAY! A happy ending. Just like in the fairy tales.