Sunday, April 30, 2006

Phantasmagoria

It started out as a rather dull & dreary day...no place to go & nothing to do. I went out onto the back porch to steal a moment for myself when I noticed some mushroom cookies growing in the yard.
I decided to eat one.

"MMmmmm....these are the best cookies I've ever tasted!"


I had to have more, but as I bent down to pick another one I started to feel a bit.....er.....funny. The world started to spin around me rapidly, I seemed to lose my balance,
starting to F
A

L

L

....................

I seemed to float after the tumble, as if I was on a soft, fluffy
cloud
but it wasn't really a cloud at all! I was laying on a tray of Coconut Meringue topped Mandarin Orange filled Almond Tartlettes! They were as big as an airplane! As soon as I realized what they were, they started to dissipate one at a time.....POP!.....
POP!.....

POP!.....
I quickly jumped onto the last remaining tartlette & tried desperately to keep my balance..... I couldn't see anything above or below.....when all of a sudden.....the meringue started to break apart....my arms flailing wildly to stay on top.....

CRACKLE.....POP!!!

.....I'm falling again.....so fast....faster....& faster....& even faster....... ZOOMING out of control until

THUD!!! WHOMP!!! POUFffff!!!

squish.....squish.....squoosh?

My fall is broken by a mysteriously gigantic assemblage of Solid Chocolate Cups filled with Cappuccino Ganache & topped with Cinnamon Whipped Cream! How lucky I am that they were there! Such a wonderful tasty treat to break my fall! I simply have to take a lick! I dive inside one of the cups & start to swallow as much chocolate as I can. I am covered from head to toe with cream & chocolate & cinnamon & it's SOOOOOOOooooooo YUMMY!!!!! As I eat my way to the bottom of the cup I feel my toes grasp onto something like a staircase.....

I look down to see

Lebkuchen stairs leading all the way

down to my backyard. I start to follow them. The cappuccino cups are gone without a trace. Not even a speck of chocolate or cream left on me, either. It seems to matter not. Onward I follow the steps.....
D

O

W

N.....

Until I am standing at the back door of the shoppe. But, WAIT! The pastry shoppe looks incredibly different! It looks like.....
*I go up to it & smell the building*
"Smells spicy!"
*I touch the brick*
"Feels like flour residue!"
*I slowly lick a small section of the house*
"It tastes like Icing!"
*A scream begins to build inside of me.....*
".....It's turned into a Gingerbread House!!!"

Reluctantly, I commence a walk-around of the premises. This is what I see:

the back of the building,



a glance at the East attic window,


the entire East side view,


the front of the building &


finally, the West side.

The trees aren't even pine anymore....they're frosting, dragees & confectioners sugar! A snowman? In the middle of summer? I'm so confused!!! I close my eyes for a moment, just a moment & maybe all this will be gone.....I reluctantly open them, focus in on the back porch & see that a basket of something is sitting there.....I'm SURE it wasn't there a minute ago? All of a sudden ZOOOOOMMMmmmmmm......Without moving my feet, I'm standing right next to

more mushrooms!!!

MMmmmm.....I am totally will-power-less!!! I have a very faint recollection of something to do with mushrooms & this whole situation, but I can't quite remember......anything!? With reckless abandon I fill both my hands with these delicate, crispy, sweet, nutty, chocolaty Meringue Mushrooms & GORGE myself!!!
*until they are all gone*
*BLUSH*


Feeling rather odd, again, I float inside the building.....hmmmm.......that's SO bizarre! I swear there used to be many rooms in here......there's just one corridor leading to a ... it almost looks like ... a ballroom? All of a sudden I am accosted by approximately ten million, seven hundred thirty five thousand, eight hundred & seventy two

Chocolate Dipped Hazelnut Truffle Mice
screaming, "We'll eat you before you eat us!!! SQUEAK!!! You can't kill us!!! SQUEAK!!! Don't try!!! We'll eat you before you eat us!!! SQUEAK squeak!!! You can't kill us!!! SQUEAK squeak!!! Don't try!!! squeak squeak squeAK!!!"

I jump over them with all my might & land in the middle of the corridor floor. It is paved with
Cappuccino Flats (a Christmas Cookie).

I follow the cookies until I reach the "Grand Room".

There is a painting I MUST see!
I SCREAM WITH FRIGHT!!!
"ZZZZzzzzzzooooommmbbbiiiEEEEeeeEEEeee...."

He jumps out of the painting, grabs the plate of cookies & runs off!!!
Whew! That was a close call, he was only a Zwieback Zombie.

There is one more painting left to see.
I tentatively turn towards it.
I stare in AWE...


...for it is a painting of me, in the back garden, reaching for a mushroom...
isn't that how this all began?
I'm so sleepy now.
So very tired...

...I think

I'll just rest


for a

...

..

.

.


***JUMPS UP***

"What?!"

"Oh! Hi blog readers! How long have you all been here watching me sleep? I can't believe you didn't wake me. You really should have. Then I could have told you a story. But now it's too late. I have to go. Maybe I'll post something tomorrow. I don't have a very good imagination, you see. It's difficult to think of new & interesting literary adventures. Maybe if I received more comments it would enable me to create new & exciting fantasies. I'll sleep on it. Good night everyone! "

23 Responses to “Phantasmagoria”

Real said...

Well if you were asleep I hope you were having pleasent dreams.

Jewels said...

LOL! thanks for the "trip"...

Does the woman in the painting look like she is suffering because she can't get at the bowl of cookies on the table? Very creative! The house looks like the truffle mice could move right in. Scine you are a Wisconsinite the next step is to make those mice some nice cheese truffles for dinner.

Real said...

In retrospect, this post raises questions about #17 in your list of 100.

jin said...

real: Does it look like my dreams are pleasant?!!? LOL

I knew someone was going to bring that up about #17. It is, indeed, 100% true. Although, the story you have just read is, in fact, fictional. I have to give credit where it is due; flatlander recently did a post about 'laced' donuts, & I knew I had a few pics of mushroom cookies. The wheels started turning...I, personally, have never experienced those kinds of mushrooms, but I have heard numerous stories from those that have. I also LOVE Alice in Wonderland, which is what that story was all about!!! ;-)

jewels: Glad to see you ventured out on a Sunday to brave the elements & read my post! Thank YOU!!! :-)

phosgene: Good call! You'd be suffering, too if the cookies were that close & you just couldn't grasp them.....hmmm...
"A hazelnut mouse
In the Gingerbread House"
...cheese truffles for mice...think I could market those???

flatlander said...

Man! You have to watch out for those Zwieback Zombies--especially in conjuction with mushroom cookies. Better put some traps out for those truffle mice, too! Very peculiar post :)

Anything with cheese in it is a sure bet in Wisconsin. I live in fear of lactose intolerance because I couldn't imagine life without cheese - you can take the boy out of Wisconsin...

What a wonderful bedtime story. Sweet dreams!

jin said...

flatlander: Coming from you, "a very peculiar post" is a great compliment! You are the BEST at peculiar posts! ;-) Sometimes I have no idea what's going on there...& I like it!!!
P.S. Reading past entries of yours again...I now know what a fakiegrind is too! :-D

phosgene: Rest your fears...I am lactose intolerant, BUT (!) a trip to the health food store yields a tiny bottle of holistic drops that cure me...long enough to have some ice cream or nachos!

evi: Thank you! :-D

Lesley said...

Mmmm... sweet dreams really are made of this!

And I agree about #17. I'm just saying. :)

jin said...

lesley: You & your song references! (Although, I do LOVE that song...huge Eurythmics fan here!)

Damn that # 17!...Ok! so it wasn't always that way! No drinky for about 4 years now & no smoky u know whatty since I was 19. There. Are you happy now?! You wrestled it out of me!
Now you just wait lessssleeey, I'm going to bombard you with with questions for your new Sunday column, & they won't be pretty!

Katy said...

What a cool "dream". I like the gingerbread house and the mice. They are just too cute. Are all your dreams this much fun?????

Tiffanie said...

I love your stories. Funny, this morning I was looking out my front lawn, saw a squirrel carrying a nut and couldn't help but smile, thinking of Sooty. I love your stories.

Lesley said...

I'm also a huge Eurythmics fan. Annie Lennox is the coolest.

I'm a little nervous now to see what kind of questions are going to be sent in to Auntie Lesley's advice column!But then again, I like a challenge. So bring them on!

Sarah Letnes said...

Mmmmm...Lebkuchen.

jin said...

katy: Oh, boy...I wish all my dreams were like that!! Sometimes they do involve food & sometimes they do involve zombies...it's when I am the food for the zombies that it officially turns into a NIGHTMARE!!! :-S

tiffanie: That's so COOL that you thought of Sooty!! Maybe she was a relative somewhere down the line!! ;-)

lesley:Another one of my faves..."I need a MAN!" I love to sing that one LOUD!!!
*Note to self: create some truely psychotic/bizarre questions before Sunday.*

sarah: Welcome! I'm impressed...few people are familiar with that particular tasty little cookie!! Come back & visit us anytime! :-)

Real said...

Eurythmics fan yes, although I am thinking about MM's cover. Ummmmm, pigs.

Katy said...

I have to say I only like Lebkuchen during X-mas time. The best ones are the ones you get on the X-mas markets in town during the Advent season. Oh man do I miss home during X-mas season :(

jin said...

real: Heeheehee....I play that one ALL the time. I am a not-so-closet Marilyn Manson fan. OH YES! He is one sexy weirdo...LOL! I ADORE ALL his cover versions.

katy: Oh! I bet they have WONDERFUL bakery there...I can't even imagine the things they have at Xmastime...do you have any pictures? How long have you lived in the states?

Cherry! said...

Magic mushrooms?????

Katy said...

Mhh I do not think I have any pictures from Xmas markets and pastries, but I may take some for you while I am there next week :). I am leaving Friday.

I have lived here for a about 6 1/2years.

jin said...

cherry: I'll bet you know all about them being over in Europe, don't you!??! ;-)

katy: Oh, I hope you have a really nice visit! Do, please take photos & post them on your site! I'd love to see them! :-)

Cherry! said...

Actually I haven't touched a thing since being here!