Sunday, May 14, 2006

Customers from Hell Volume II
"Pukey Money"

If you were to visit me for breakfast when I was too busy to cook you something extra special, you might get an array like this:

Another true tale
of a pastry sale
many moons past
but the memory sure did last.

She used to come in for an open house sale almost monthly.
Very slim, the wife of a doctor, no need to worry about calories or pennies.
Every single time:
She- "How much for a cookie?"
Me- "One dollar."
She- "I don't really need any, I'll just eat them if I buy them."
Me- "Can I get you anything?"
She- "One dollar each?"
Me- "Yes."
She- "If I come back just before you close are they cheaper?"
Me- "No, I'm sorry, we don't do that." (Actually, sometimes I do. But certainly not in this situation as it was all the time!)
She- "Maybe I'll come back later."

Near closing time she would come back & if there weren't any cookies left, she'd leave empty handed (except for a cup of the free coffee we offer).
If there were cookies left:
She- "How much are they?"
Me- "One dollar."
She- "How much were they this morning?"
Me- "One dollar."
She- "You're only open a few more minutes, don't you sell them cheaper now?"
Me- "No, I'm sorry we don't do that."
She- "I don't really need any. I'll take two."
Me- "$2.00 please."

On one occasion this ended quite differently, much to my chagrin. She had a baby with her.....don't ask me how old, you people know I'm not a kid person by now.....but, it wasn't laying in her arms it was sort of sitting up on one arm. I turned my back to wrap the 2 cookies & as I turn back around to hand them to her & take the $2.00 I am mortified to see the kid puking & she is holding out the $2.00 to catch it with! (*AHEM* The kid was wearing a bib!!!) She then proceeds to hesitantly (because she didn't really want to part with them) hand me the dollars while saying, "It's only throw up."

What. The. Fuck!!!

I'll swear to all of you right now that she did it on purpose, expecting me to tell her to keep it. I'd be DAMNED before I did that! I grabbed a paper towel & handed it to her, while taking the 'pukey money' & keeping a smile on my face so as not to belie my absolute horror with touching those gross wet sticky dripping dollars! EWwww!!!

In the process of drizzling mini pecan pies.

Actual size of a Pecan Tassie.

22 Responses to “Customers from Hell Volume II
"Pukey Money"”

I hope you washed your hands before you made that cookie!!

I wash my hands a lot when I cook, but I need to start checking more than the hands - while at the table my daughter said I had dirt on my arm. I turned it over and had a huge streak of charcoal all the way down the side of my forearm. Not as disgusting as baby puke, but then what is?

Real said...

You hand her fabolous cookies and she wants to hand you pukey dollars. What is wrong with these people?

Lesley said...

Oh that breakfast looks good! Are you trying to entice your blogstalkers to be actual real-life visitors? :)

I think $1 for a cookie is a huge bargain, esp. for one of your cookies! It's pathetic that someone would try to cheap out on that -- and then let their spawn puke on the money too! Ugh!

gnightgirl said...

Amazing. I like that you smiled graciouly through her manipulative crack-pot-ery.

Still. Ugh. She's gone away now? I hope so.

jin said...

phos: The money went on a paper tray on the back counter until the customer left. Immediately after she was gone (luckily, no other customers were around!) me & the 'pukey money' hauled it to the sink with a brush & lots o' suds!!! Gee, I sure hope I don't ever get caught for laundering money. *Bu-dump-BA!*)

real: Darn, I was hoping that you could tell me?

lesley: YAY! Blogstalkers in person.
*with waning enthusiasm* Oh. I see what you're saying...maybe that wasn't such a good idea.
If you can't afford it it's a totally different situation. You know?! I have needy kids coming in here all the just know when they can't afford it. I NEVER let them leave without a few free sweets. 'nuff said.

gnightgirl Um, er,'s the deal-This was many years ago...she's not been in for a very long time...I had been planning to write this for a while but I've been too busy.....& other post opportunities presented I may have happened to sell her something very recently (like two cookies) & it reminded me that I hadn't told the story....& I left a few details out so she couldn't be that easily identified ....*AM I trying to get out of this or what?!* sometimes I wonder if I should have left the blog anonymous so I could give you every single detail...

Cherry! said...

OMFG! People are sick lunatics. Using a baby as a prop. You should have passed her the cookie with the same unwashed pukey hand that you used to take the pukey money.

I may throw up.

jin said...

cherry: LMAO!!! That is a super-fantastic idea! Why didn't I think of that?!!?

Glad to hear you are feeling better than last week! :-)

Sorry to hear about mr. not-so-wonderful. :-(

Tiffanie said...

What. The. Fuck.

Says it all...

Dabbler said...

In your shoes, I'd have done the same, except I probably would have thrown the pukey money away the moment she stepped foot out of your shop. There's no way I'm going to keep hold of 2 vomit-drenched dollar bills; but on the other hand, it is the principle of the thing not to let her think she can get away with such shenanigans. (Heh... try saying "shenanigans" aloud. Slowly. It'll make you smile.)

A Girl You Know said...


people have so many issues...

Gnat said...

I think I would have puked on the cookies myself and said "It's just a little puke".

I am not sure I would have taken her puke money. Citing health regulations.


Lesley said...

Wait... you wouldn't want to meet blogstalkers in person? Because hypothetically, there could be a roadtrip to Wisconsin being discussed.

In purely hypothetical terms, of course.


JD said...

great blog. my uncle was a pastry chef on a cruise ship for a while. i think it's cool but couldn't handle the stress of making so many perfect pastries day in and out. i have total respect for someone like you. i did the restaurateur thing for a while, at least i didn't have to worry about money with puke on it. too funny, in a really sick way. ;)

jin said...

tiffanie: lol...yeah, I thought so. Sometimes nothing but that word will suffice!

dabbler: Yes, it was totally the principle...2 bucks-no big deal...but not for that wench! *she-nan-i-gans*....Heehee!!! :-)

a girl: You aren't kidding!!!

phos: Thanks, I try! ;-)

gnat: Hey, you're good at this stuff...need a job?! lol!

lesley: *jin jumps up & down like crazy* "YIPPEEEEE!!!!"
Hypothetically speaking, of course, should any of my commenters want to visit me, in the flesh, I would get so excited that I might actually squeal! Hypothetically, I would make sure they had the best food they've ever tasted in their lives while hypothetically visiting me. COOL! :-D

jd: WELCOME!!! Stress? *insert extreme sarcasm here* What stress? heehee!! Oooohh....that's why I love blogging so much! I may have to don the phony smile in my shoppe now & then, but's MY WORLD! So, I can embarrass the fuck off them!!! YAY!
*whispers*...sorry, didn't mean to scare you off after your first visit...I love my blogfans!!! :-)

Real said...

I am reminded of something a teacher once told me.

Answers are $1 a piece
Correct answers are $4
Opinions are always free

So my opinion is that a good chunk of your town lives under high voltage power lines and are world champion paint chip eaters.

jin said...

real: LMAO!!! paint chips...that explains it!!!
Seriously, the worst ones are the doctors wives. CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP ... rude ... & did I mention, cheap? (I have to say here I'm generalizing...just in case...I do have 1 or 2 nice doctors wives that come in!)

Cherry! said...

Thanks jin! I'll just have to wait and see what happens with Mr. Not So W.

That is an awesome and cringy story!

jin said...

cherry: I only have 2 words for you...always remember them:
Good luck! :-)

CP: It's funny time it wasn't! HaHaHa!!! I feel another doctor's wife story on the horizon...this one's just insane!!!

CC said...

oh geez that's hilarious!! nicely told btw... :-)

jin said...

Thanks cc! There's more where this one came from! I'm not sure if that's good, or bad?! LOL