Customers From Hell Volume III"Surely You Jest!?"

Help yourself to a brown sugary, buttery, caramel, pecan 'Turtle Triangle' topped with melted Belgian white & dark chocolate while you read my woeful tale.
Go on, take 2 or 3, they're small!!!

Yet another true tale
of a LOST pastry sale
many moons past
but the memory sure did last.

On a very busy Saturday, orders going out left & right, a wedding cake being finished off to prepare for delivery, my work momentum is suddenly shattered by the annoying ring-ring-ring of the phone. Luckily, my Mom is taking care of the customers so I can finish up on the wedding cakes.

I overhear what my Mom is telling the customer:
"Oh, that's terrible."
pause
"No, we don't really do that."
pause
"No, I'm sure you can't take it like that."
pause
"No, Jennifer won't do that."
pause
"Yes, I'm sure she won't do that."
pause
"She's very busy finishing a wedding cake now."
pause
"No, it won't help if she sees it, she won't do it."
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"Yes I can ask her, but she'll tell you the same thing."
pause
"Just hold on a minute."

She calls me over & starts to whisper with her hand over the phone.

"It's Mrs. So&So (another doctor's wife), she pre-ordered & picked up a cake from Copps' Bakery. She is taking the cake to a 'fancy upper-crust' party in Chicago tonight & is ashamed how terribly the cake has been decorated & wants to know if you will decorate it nicely for her."

(For those of you not familiar, Copps is a supermarket with an in-store bakery. To be blunt, their product is basically disgusting, putrid, fluorescent, repulsive, chemical, shit prepackaged to fool the average non-discriminating consumer into thinking it is really edible bakery.)

I say, "Surely you jest!?"
(Actually, I said, "You've got to be FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!" But I didn't want you all to think I'm crude.)

"No, I just checked with Jennifer & she said she won't do that."
pause
"She only decorates cakes that she makes."
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"Her designs are unique & she wouldn't want anyone to think she baked that cake."
pause
"Yes. That's why many people order special cakes directly from us."
pause
"No, I'm sorry, she won't do it, we can't help you."

She finally gets off the phone. Neither of us can really believe this woman called to ask that. Ah, well...I had to get going with the wedding cake.

About an hour & a half later I am turning back down the street my shoppe is on, the delivery went smoothly, one more to go & I'll be finished for the weekend.

When what to my wondering eyes did appear?
That woman's car, by our shoppe, parked so near!

(Small town...so of course I knew her car, plus it was a special model...for a special person...what do they call it? TS turboB, yeah, that's it Tight n Snooty turboBitch!)

I walk in, preparing to rush around, as I did have one more wedding delivery. Would you believe she actually brought that cake into our shoppe!!!??? Yes, sirree, she's standing there holding a Copps Crisco Catastrophe! I got lucky. She didn't see me come in the side door & as I'm collecting my thoughts in the kitchen (Remember what I told you a while back, I'm too nice sometimes (!) & I wanted to cool down.) I see her walk out the front door with the cake, get in her TS turboB & drive off.

It turns out that she had walked in while I was gone & insisted that my Mom decorate her cake because I wasn't there. Now, my Mom does a WHOLE LOT of awesome stuff, but decorating a cake isn't one of them & she'll be the first to admit it. The woman explained that she told Copps she wanted it redecorated, but their decorator had already gone home for the day. The girl behind the bakery counter gave her several bags of plastic decorations for free, but this woman thought they were tacky. Hmmm....I have to say it people....here it comes.....it was tacky to order a cake from Copps if you're trying to impress people in the first goddamn place!!!

Am I right, or am I right?!

I need to clarify something here. I truely go out of my way for people. That is, nice people & regular customers. 99 out of every 100 of my customers are fantastic, gracious, lovely people. That's why I still do what I do. I'll never be rich doing this, but I sure think I can be happy & isn't that what matters most? But then there are these freaks, every few years, that have kept their negative impressions in my brain.....I think I finally found the solution to letting them go. What's that, you ask? Why, passing them on to all of you, of course!!!