Thursday, May 18, 2006

Customers From Hell Volume III
"Surely You Jest!?"

Help yourself to a brown sugary, buttery, caramel, pecan 'Turtle Triangle' topped with melted Belgian white & dark chocolate while you read my woeful tale.
Go on, take 2 or 3, they're small!!!


Yet another true tale
of a LOST pastry sale
many moons past
but the memory sure did last.

On a very busy Saturday, orders going out left & right, a wedding cake being finished off to prepare for delivery, my work momentum is suddenly shattered by the annoying ring-ring-ring of the phone. Luckily, my Mom is taking care of the customers so I can finish up on the wedding cakes.

I overhear what my Mom is telling the customer:
"Oh, that's terrible."
pause
"No, we don't really do that."
pause
"No, I'm sure you can't take it like that."
pause
"No, Jennifer won't do that."
pause
"Yes, I'm sure she won't do that."
pause
"She's very busy finishing a wedding cake now."
pause
"No, it won't help if she sees it, she won't do it."
pause
"Yes I can ask her, but she'll tell you the same thing."
pause
"Just hold on a minute."

She calls me over & starts to whisper with her hand over the phone.
"It's Mrs. So&So (another doctor's wife), she pre-ordered & picked up a cake from Copps' Bakery. She is taking the cake to a 'fancy upper-crust' party in Chicago tonight & is ashamed how terribly the cake has been decorated & wants to know if you will decorate it nicely for her."

(For those of you not familiar, Copps is a supermarket with an in-store bakery. To be blunt, their product is basically disgusting, putrid, fluorescent, repulsive, chemical, shit prepackaged to fool the average non-discriminating consumer into thinking it is really edible bakery.)


I say, "Surely you jest!?"
(Actually, I said, "You've got to be FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!" But I didn't want you all to think I'm crude.)

"No, I just checked with Jennifer & she said she won't do that."
pause
"She only decorates cakes that she makes."
pause
"Her designs are unique & she wouldn't want anyone to think she baked that cake."
pause
"Yes. That's why many people order special cakes directly from us."
pause
"No, I'm sorry, she won't do it, we can't help you."

She finally gets off the phone. Neither of us can really believe this woman called to ask that. Ah, well...I had to get going with the wedding cake.

About an hour & a half later I am turning back down the street my shoppe is on, the delivery went smoothly, one more to go & I'll be finished for the weekend.

When what to my wondering eyes did appear?
That woman's car, by our shoppe, parked so near!

(Small town...so of course I knew her car, plus it was a special model...for a special person...what do they call it? TS turboB, yeah, that's it Tight n Snooty turboBitch!)

I walk in, preparing to rush around, as I did have one more wedding delivery. Would you believe she actually brought that cake into our shoppe!!!??? Yes, sirree, she's standing there holding a Copps Crisco Catastrophe! I got lucky. She didn't see me come in the side door & as I'm collecting my thoughts in the kitchen (Remember what I told you a while back, I'm too nice sometimes (!) & I wanted to cool down.) I see her walk out the front door with the cake, get in her TS turboB & drive off.

It turns out that she had walked in while I was gone & insisted that my Mom decorate her cake because I wasn't there. Now, my Mom does a WHOLE LOT of awesome stuff, but decorating a cake isn't one of them & she'll be the first to admit it. The woman explained that she told Copps she wanted it redecorated, but their decorator had already gone home for the day. The girl behind the bakery counter gave her several bags of plastic decorations for free, but this woman thought they were tacky. Hmmm....I have to say it people....here it comes.....it was tacky to order a cake from Copps if you're trying to impress people in the first goddamn place!!!

Am I right, or am I right?!

I need to clarify something here. I truely go out of my way for people. That is, nice people & regular customers. 99 out of every 100 of my customers are fantastic, gracious, lovely people. That's why I still do what I do. I'll never be rich doing this, but I sure think I can be happy & isn't that what matters most? But then there are these freaks, every few years, that have kept their negative impressions in my brain.....I think I finally found the solution to letting them go. What's that, you ask? Why, passing them on to all of you, of course!!!

31 Responses to “Customers From Hell Volume III
"Surely You Jest!?"”

Cherry! said...

I love these stories! I think that lady seriously needs her head read. First told no on the phone and then she brings the piece of crap in???? Where do these people come from???

Jewels said...

K. Totally reminds me of one of my old bosses wives... (yes, wives...)... She insisted on a 'very' tight, 'very' wide choker... even though I told her it would be incredibly uncomfortable, not to mention that it would probably cut off the circulation to her already deflated brain.... Oh, and she picked the most God Awful colors: White, Fushia, Turquoise... Now, on their own, not so bad, al together, I don't think so....
I even sketched the piece for her.. "Yes! Yes! That's what I want!"
Well I made the God Awful mess, and was soooo unhappy with it. If I don't like a piece, I won't let it leave my house, let alone exist. I'll take my shears to it PRONTO! But she wanted it... So, I brought it in... Wouldn't you know it, when I openned the box, there was this hesitant "...OH... yeah, it's...... nice.........." I expected a "But", but it didn't come... She just shoved the money in my hand, and left with it... I guess she didnt' want to hear me say "I told you so!!!"
LOL!

Good story!

gnightgirl said...

I've experienced this with artwork.
I think that a lot of people don't recognize craftsmanship, skill, talent, hard work and PRIDE.

Glad you stuck to your guns.

A Girl You Know said...

i swear these people are inbred in small towns. i "grew up" in a small town and this really doesn't surprise me that she had the nerve to do that. it's the most pretentious small town people that do the most asinine things to prove that they really do have money. drama. so funny though. i love these stories. oh and i didn't comment yesterday but seriously - those cakes are beautiful. gorgeous. so much detail. you definitely found your calling when you decided to open a bakery..

Katy said...

Oh Jin how I missed reading your blog. I am back and just finished writing on my blog about the trip. Wow that was my longest entry yet. Well now I got to go catch up on yours.

Lesley said...

I love that you have this blog to share your crazy customer stories! Fun for us!

Oh wait -- if she didn't actually buy anything, does that make her a customer? Hmmmm...

I laughed when I read how your mom translated your "You've got to be FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!" to "No, I just checked with Jennifer & she said she won't do that." I wonder what would have happened if she had said your actual response! :)

I'm just saying.

It would have been funny if it was the same doctor’s wife in the cookie incident - you could have agreed to re-decorate her cake and then puked on it - "there you go, hon!!”

jin said...

cherry: Sometimes I think the doctors wives dip into their hubby's meds just a little too much!!! They really only hear what they want to! LOL

jewels: LMAO!!!! I'm so glad you got the money & didn't have to listen to the..."but,..." LOL!
Your story reminded me of another customer I had forgotten about....story coming soon!

gnightgirl: I think that's where the theory of the 'starving artist' came from...sticking to your beliefs to the point that you choose PRIDE over the almighty $.

a girl: You said it PERFECTLY! I esp. like that you used asinine & pretentious in the same sentence!!! Heeheehee!!!

katy: Welcome Home!!! I will check that out as soon as I can! Good to have you back! :-)

lesley: Ok, technically, in 13 years of biz she's probaby been in about 3-4 times & spent a total of around $23, so that almost makes her a customer, unfortunately, right? LMAO!
I'm glad you enjoy the stories & I'll tell my Mom you said that! HaHaHa!!!

phos: Unfortunately, there are many, many doctors wives in this town. I have 2 or 3 that are really great customers...but the rest all have their own 'stories'! Hmmm...after typing that...I think the nice wives husbands are all 'specialist type' surgeons...I wonder if that makes a difference? Any thoughts on that one?

Real said...

I have been through something similar. I think I see the problem, you were to nice and blunt enough. I will give you an example, yesterday I could of said the following to a client...

I really do not think I can help you with this.

But I had to say the following so they understood.

I am not doing that, and if you do it I will turn you in and you will spend time in jail, OK.

Just my 2.0567818942479 cents.

jin said...

real: I've said it before...I am too nice. It's my own fault I believe in karma & the 'Law of Three'. You know, every energy you send out you get back threefold...so I don't uderstand why I still get customers like that one!!!

LOL at your remark!!!

Real said...

I don't think an elaborate plan to use electicity to punish annoying customers technically falls under the jurisdiction of Karma and the Threes.

What if I brought a dozen Twinkies into your shoppe? Would you consider decorating those? How about Snoballs or maybe Raspberry Zingers?

jin said...

real: OH! I'm So GLAD!!! I'll commence using that IMMEDIATELY!!! :-)

CP: You'd better watch your language around here, boy! Saying the "T" word on a pastry site...kids nowadays have NO RESPECT!!!
;-)

I don’t car much for Dr’s by and large – anyone who makes a fortune by holding your health hostage is a rat-bastard in my book. They are right up there with insurance salesmen, shysters, and politicians in rat-bastardlyness, I figure like some wives in the military tend to “wear their husbands rank” they become ratbastardified by their money grubbing husband’s callous attitude. Just a guess on my part, of course.

It sadden me a bit to hear of the behavior of the two women, I tend to expect more from Midwesterners, unless they are FIBs, of course. I always found Midwesterners to be some of the more polite, thoughtful folks in the country.

For instance, invite a Midwesterner over for dinner and he/she will bring a bottle of wine, dessert or something to add to the dinner unasked. Not that I would expect a guest to bring anything, it was just a nice, thoughtful touch. Maybe the wives are former Chicagoans. I swear the city has a giant asshol-magnet set right smack-dab in the middle of the city.

Gnat said...

I think I would have had to do some custom decoration all right.


Gnat.
.

Yeah, a river dance cake!!

Sarah Letnes said...

You should have told her that if you wanted to decorate turds for living you'd work at the Baby Gap so you could dress her children.

Was that too harsh?

jin said...

phos: LMAO!!! The wife in this story WAS from Chicago!!!

Yes, I ALWAYS take a dessert when visiting ANYONE! (Sometimes I think that's why I get so many invitations!! HaHaHa!!!)

We could call it "CAKE STOMP".

gnat: Hmmm...maybe the cake in her perfectly hairsprayed 'do...heeheehee!

sarah: Too harsh...? I think you & I could be GOOD friends!!! LOL :-)

Real said...

Perhaps you could make a special batch of treats for your free loading customers. Treats you would not sell to good customers. Something with chocolate and exlax....

jin said...

That's a real good idea!!!
;-)

Jewels said...

Hey, I have a funny X-lax story:
After finding out her BF was messing around on her, my GF bought his favourite kind of cake: Black Forest.
She separated two of the layers, and shaved some of those chocolate x-lax cubes in between, and then laced the whole top with it, making sure it all blended in perfectly with the original toppings...
The bastard ate 2 LARGE PIECES!!!! It took about 45 minutes after eating her little concoction, when she could hear a really loud gurgling noise emanating from his gut. She turned to look at him, and could see by the beads of sweat running down his forehead that he was in for a bumpy ride...

The bastard was on the shitter for about 4 hours, emptying his bowel, all the while cursing her... Would you believe they stayed together for a good 2 years after this??? Some people's kids, I tell ya!!!!

Lesley said...

No! No Exlax stories!!!!

:)

jin said...

jewels: ROTFLMAO!!! Good for him!!! YAY!!! Justice is served!!!
heeheehee!!! :-D

lesley: Sounds to me like you may have a story there, too?!

Lesley said...

No story, I'm just squeemish.

And besides, Visine works much better than Exlax. And is much more subtle.

I'm just saying.

jin said...

Gee, lesley, I wonder how you know that? Why, you say it like you've tried it or something.....*jin decides she may never eat anything lesley makes, like EVER!*

Everybody:
I truly meant to post last night!

I truly meant to post tonight!

Had I known I was going to be so busy I would have let you know earlier, because I love my blogfans!!! :-D

But I was crazy busy, which is really GR8! I promise a phenomenal post tomorrow (Saturday) with enough pics to make up for yesterday & today!

Do you forgive me?

Pretty please?

SL: Jin is already getting into the custom decorated turd business - she's going to whip some frosted meadow muffins for Seb I think she was going to put the Manchester United logo on them...

Now I have to go make rugs out of a couple Huskies that woke me up at 0500 on a Saturday...

Lesley said...

Jin, don't sorry -- your loyal blogfans will be here when you're able to post again after the weekend craziness goes away. I'll always be here -- as long as you keep bringin' the food porn! :)

Although... perhaps you could have streaming video of the food porn on your blog, hmmm?

:)

Real said...

Maybe a live food porn cam.

That would be sweet (pun inteneded).

jin said...

phos: SHHHHH!!! *jin whispers* David might hear you!!! He LOVES Manchester United!!! Hmmm....I may have forgotten to tell you that my husband is from England, Manchester, actually! LOL So, in hindsight, I really wasn't just butt-kissing seb...I really do have a thing for those Brits!!! Heeheehee!!!
*jin shouts really loud* ((((("Hey huskies...your daddy's going to take you for a walkies on Sunday at 5am again if you wake him up!!!")))))

lesley: Surely, you jest? (Is that overused yet? LMAO!) Post is on the horizon.....

real: Oh, come now, who'd want to watch me, live, covered in chocolate & cream????????
;-)

I think you should have decorated the cake....Yep...you should have just sucked it up and when you were done simply wrote across the cake in big red sugary gooey frosting

KISS MY SWEET ASS
OR
PAY ME $200 BUCKS!

jin said...

evi: That's AWESOME!!!
ROTFLMAO!!!
Maybe I do need to do a live cam here, then you can all buzz me with different possible solutions to my...er....'problems'!